Thinking through this whole Leaning business

Posted on January 11, 2016

I started reviewing drafts of posts that I somehow never completed. I deleted some. But some seem okay to put out into the world, even if they’re kinda past the moment where they would’ve made a lot more sense.

This one is a very belated review of Leaning In by Sheryl Sandberg—a review that was first written in March of 2013.

I know everyone and her sister is talking about Leaning In and whether it’s out of touch or the best thing since sliced pizza, so I may or may not have something to add. But I’m gonna write my bit to get my thoughts straightened out in my own head. And maybe my head- straightening will help some of you think things through, too. So here goes.

1. Standing up (thumbs up): In general, I say YAY to anyone who has some power and tries to use it to effect positive change. That’s what model Cameron Russell does in a way that’s self-reflective and admirable, and I don’t think she’s gotten too much flack, most likely because she has hesitated to move onto the next step.

Well, Sandberg has taken the next step, and she probably anticipated that she’d get flack. I don’t think there was too much kickback regarding her TED Talk, but the Leaning In book has a whole bunch of press and attention, to the point that I’m starting to be able to finish Sheryl Sandberg’s stories for her. And that kind of exposure is necessary to be heard and to move things, yes? I’m thinking yes.

So. I dunno whether Sandberg cries when people misread her or judge her or get really angry at her when she’s just trying to help…but I probably would if I were her. And that makes me appreciate her work. She’s willing to put herself out there, getting lots of kudos, sure…but also getting lots of hatefulness.

I don’t think Sandberg was short on kudos before doing the book. She probably had plenty of attention. And if she wanted more attention, she could’ve done something way more fun than write a book to help women. My point? Sandberg is in a powerful position in which she has a lot to lose and little to gain.

And she is standing up. She is taking the flack to help others. That right there makes me want to cheer.

(Maybe you think I should only say really nice positive things now because Sandberg is being kind of a hero? Well, she is being a kind of a hero, but I respect her enough to engage with her ideas and take them seriously. I can cheer and still engage critically. And that’s what I’m gonna do. So there.)

2. Beyond victim-blaming (thumbs wavering): Yes, there’s a whole theme to Sandberg’s book of focusing on what women can do differently to move into leadership positions. And to some degree it does seem analogous to the kind of victim blaming that holds women responsible when they’re treated unjustly. “Stop behaving in ways that make men rape you!” “Stop behaving in ways that keep leaders from advancing you!”

The truth is that Leaning In treads a tricky line. Sandberg presents a lot of research about problems and injustices that women face, and she recounts some of her own experiences. She probably should’ve been more explicit about the fact that there are no easy answers rather than implying how tricky change can be. But at least she does draw some attention to systemic problems.

3. Trying to be all things to all people (thumbs wavering): I love the idea that “Leaning in” doesn’t mean one thing for all people—Sandberg wants men to lean into household responsibilities, she wants people with different kinds of career- and life-goals to lean in to whatever those goals are…I can almost imagine her telling her kids to “lean in” to their school work or kickball games or their Lego-buildings or whatever.

That’s cool because it means that the book is less prescriptive. And the Lean In Circles advocated on Facebook and on the Lean In site can help communities set and work toward goals together.

But the wide net means that some of the advice is kinda lame (the part about how Sandberg needs to talk less but other people need to talk more…I read this once before, but it was called Goldilocks and it involved porridge that was too hot or too cold), and some of the advice that is not at all lame is actually only aimed at a certain audience.

Sometimes it works better to call your audience, and let other audiences know that you’re not addressing their concerns, but other people have addressed their concerns, or should do so, etc.

4. Sandberg is a feminist! (thumbs up!): I’m so over the resistance to the word “feminism” that I find it really refreshing that Sandberg both finds her own “leaning in” phrase to talk about feminism but ALSO actually uses the word feminist. About herself. On a regular basis. With no apologies or explanations. Duh! Nothing to see here, folks. Keep it movin’.

5. A woman who can be like a man is a better woman (thumbs down): I can’t help it. My reaction here is all about the Elaine Showalter essay that criticized the movie Tootsie with Dustin Hoffman because Hoffman’s cross-dressing character was the kind of woman that Jessica Lange’s character just couldn’t pull off—but she should’ve. And Showalter made a brilliant argument:  “Tootsie’s cross-dressing is a way of promoting the notion of masculine power while masking it” [“Critical Cross-Dressing: Male Feminists and the Woman of the Year,” Raritan 3 (1983-84)].

I imagine I had more in my head way back in 2013, but, three years later, I have no idea what these things might have been, so…